Unwhole. Is that even a word?
It's that feeling you have when no matter what you do, you're still in the same place, dealing with the same hurt. You know that there is a point that things will be moving on, but The Lord is taking His time, which is fine, but at the same time... you worry that you're just fading into the wall paper. There are still pieces that feel empty. The Lord is sufficient for all, it's true, yet that illusive "future" looms in mystery.."When will I do the great work?" "When will I be in that place of calling?" "When can I finally meet 'her'?"
I've been reminded often of the "Bible Heroes" like Moses, Joseph, David.. all the "greats", weren't always the greats. Moses was a runway murderer, shepherding in the wilderness. Joseph was pulled out of a pit to be a slave, only to be thrown into a bigger pit.. prison. David? A falsely accused fugitive driven away from his family, his wife, and his best friend.
All these men were ones that the Lord used greatly. How? Why? Looking at their past, it would easy for them to believe that God had forgotten them, forgotten His promises to them, and had left them in the wilderness to fend for themselves.
But then, just at their lowest of lows, at the point of no return, at the last moment of light before plunging into complete despair, ...they chose to trust God anyway,...and everything changed.
It was at that point of total loss when they gave up on ever doing it themselves, that they called out to their Lord and gave that "dream of success" that "promise" that "future" back to Him, saying, "I give up, I can't do it Lord, but you can."
We all know what happened after that: Moses led his people out of Egypt and beheld the presence of God on mountaintops. Joseph became 2nd in command over all of Egypt and was reunited with his family. David became king over Israel and part of the line of the Christ.
Before they were "great," they let go of greatness. God had them in the wilderness waiting... waiting for the right time and preparing them for that time. Moses: for a new Pharaoh to take over. Joseph: a famine. David: King Saul to be caught and killed by his own past wrong doings.
So what am I waiting for? ... What is the Lord preparing behind the scenes for me to do? I don't know, but I do know one thing. I can't do it alone. Sure, I want greatness, I want to be used by the Lord, I want to be one of these men that were written about. But for now, I must wait.
Be faithful in the things that He has given now. He is preparing for the "big times," but if I am not faithful in the small things, how can I be faithful in the big ones? There is ministry everyday, right here, right now. Allow God to do His work in me here as I wait so I can be better prepared for His work elsewhere.
So I will wait as my heart sings...
"I want to be a man that you
Would write about
Oh a thousand years from now
That they could read about
Your servant of choice in whom
You found favor
A man who heard Your voice
I want to be a man You would write about."
("Man You Would Write About"- by 4Him)
